PLEASE CONTROL ME
…an exploratory poem…
????????
I am asking you politely, please manipulate me. I need to be convinced.
But don’t make it too obvious, I don’t want to be sold to.
Please control my irrational behavior, I really need boundaries.
But also don’t block my freedom.
But please take responsibility so I don’t have to.
But also I need you to empower me.
Please just make the first move, I can’t do this by myself.
But not every time, it’s got to be equal.
I just need to feel safe, I don’t feel safe with myself.
But how could I possibly trust you either?
I commit to surrendering, to allowing for the natural unfolding.
As long as I don’t have to let go of control of my experience. It’s MINE after all.
There’s so much beauty in letting the emotions simply run through me.
But it’s not convenient right now because I got sh*t to do.
If I could only find that balanced place between these two worlds.
My identity feels like such an important mask to maintain…who will I be if I can’t even recognize myself?
Won’t I be sad if this victimized version of myself no longer exists on the planet?
Mustn’t it be a tragedy if all of my woes become pros?
If nobody misses the old version of me, does that prove my unworthiness?
I am so tempted to manage my external situation because I refuse to manage my internal situation!
My fears seem so real I may as well make them my boss!
Perhaps Freedom is the real slavery, always walking around without a chain on my neck – is that even safe?
Remaining enslaved to our fears is so much easier than aligning with the all-powerful identity of the soul.
Sounds ideal, perhaps I’ll look into it tomorrow.
Sounds great, perhaps I’m not worthy.
How many excuses do I need until you leave me alone?
When will you see I’m not capable of change?
How dare you see my raw potential!
How dare you challenge my lies!
How dare you hold me to the most magnificent version of myself!
You’re a monster…err, warrior.
Yes, maybe you’re seeing me clearly.
It’s new and doesn’t feel safe to be safe.
This peace is foreign and doesn’t feel like the ‘me’ I’ve always known.
?My Heart Requests a Surrender Risk Like Never Before ?
Joshua Falcon-Grey
