POST-REPRESSION FRIENDSHIPS

I started working toward coming out of repression over 10 years ago. I made a lot of progress on my own, though it wasn’t until this year that I was able to actually give it a name and call it repression, and to be mentored on seeing the process through to completion.

I noticed long ago, but now it is even more striking, is how deeply dishonest people are when they are in repression. As my mentor recently said “They will just lie to your face and not even know it”.

The projections they experience and the accusations that come out of their mouths are just unbelievable. When I see this clearly, it is a fascinating position to be in because if and when I mention it, I appear to be gaslighting them and I appear to be attached to an outcome. Because that is all they have ever seen and known, and can only interpret such behavior as ordinary human attachment.

So there is a balancing act. I know that many people are going to think I am violent and pretentious if I call them out, and at the same time, I must have my own boundaries around requiring honesty.

This means some relationships are just going to be repulsive to each other. People who are in places too far divided from one another. Someone who is not ready to deal with their dishonesty versus someone who is not willing to tolerate dishonesty.

I have experienced profoundly disrespectful and accusatory sentiments coming from people in repression, and then I was shocked to discover THEY were ones who were offended to hear me mention the disrespect.

Apparently, the word respect is for many people loaded with an idea of hierarchy and by me naming it as disrespect it can sound to someone in repression like I am asking them to bow down to me, which is not the case at all.

Putting someone “below me” would be an action coming from repression. Even when I was in repression (I’m not saying I am fully done), this was never a tendency I had.

But, people in repression are deeply addicted to seeing themselves as inferior and therefore feeling defensive prematurely even when there is no real threat. The embedded fear is activated (and identified with!) and so someone loving them can be experienced as deeply threatening.

I am sorry to anyone I have not been as transparent with as much as I could have been. I am righting all of my transgressions now. I am available now. I am not defensive as I used to be.

Some people will experience me as MORE harsh now because being available means I am more available to boundaries, too. And, some people will convince themselves I am a lunatic and I am “going through something” because I am not behaving in a way that fits into their cookie-cutter ideas of “how a man should be”.

What a gift to see this experience of resting in genuine embodiment coming more and more to fruition.