If He Truly LovesHer, he wants her to be capable and competent regardless of his interest in her.This doesn’t mean he wants her to be “independent”, but he wants her to be capable of being independent.
A self-centered man wants to keep her disabled and dependent on him so he can feel important and useful.
If he wanted to be actually useful, he would set her up so she doesn’t need him as she thought she did.
This empowers her to actually CHOOSE from a place of sovereignty instead of from a place of survival.
If he can reveal his tendencies, and the inevitable shame surrounding those tendencies, she gets a chance to truly See who she is with. Then she wakes up out of her fawning trance. And then it’s not just her emotionality that opts into a relationship.
A boy desperate for his mother’s love wants to get access to Her at any cost, including seducing and manipulating her.
A man who is coming from FEAR and POSSESSION is subconsciously (or maybe consciously) aiming to “put her in her place” in the kitchen or with managing kids, etc, ensuring she does NOT have access to the outside world because he does NOT trust her to love him back or to stick with him if he “allowed” her such space.
This space is however the very thing that she needs in order to recognize she is being properly loved. It’s not money, it’s not status, it’s not muscles.
Those are superficial elements that may temporarily cause a woman’s mind to perceive spaciousness, but ACTUAL spaciousness is the currency she is vying for even if she isn’t aware of it – and this is only possible when a man is intentionally ATTUNED to the needs of her radiance – it will NOT happen by accident.
In our modern world, there is a terminology men have for depriving her of her spaciousness and radiance – this is what is referred to as avoiding “simping”.
“Simp is an internet slang term describing someone who shows excessive sympathy and attention toward another person.”
So, men are taught to believe that they must keep themselves safe by depriving her of attention. Because he doesn’t believe he’ll get it in return. This is based in the shadow of fairness, the child shadow created by anger repression.
There is of course a balance. Overgiving does exist. However, having a policy that prevents giving is a recipe for disaster. There are a million and one ways to get alignment wrong and there is only one way to get it right.
Joshua
