Relational damage causes one to believe “I am not allowed to have my needs met”.
Because of this, we jump to conclusions regarding when others share their needs.
It can be easy to misinterpret the sharing of needs as demands.
As a result, our shadow response may be to make demands.
When I am sharing a need, I am not implying that YOU are responsible for meeting that need.
When I am sharing a need, I am not implying that you will be abandoned if I don’t get what I want.
When I am sharing a need, I am MEETING my need by expressing myself. The perceived need carries much less of a charge simply by sharing it.
If my sharing it is experienced as a threat, it is likely because you believe you are not allowed to have your own needs shared (or met).
If your impulse is to condemn or control my needs, it is because you are hearing them bully you through implications of what needs mean, in general.
I will be sharing my needs with whoever is around me as long as I live. If I expected you to meet every one of my needs, that would make me an insane demanding narcissist. That would be reprehensible slavery.
I am NOT entitled to you caring for me. I may WANT it, and I may express my wanting it, but I do not need you to FIX that. I am literally meeting my own need by owning it.
If someone insists that the expression of my needs puts them on the hook for ANYTHING, then they MUST attack me (or run away) because they believe they are defending themselves from my attack.
You are always free to say YES or NO or MAYBE or to not respond at all. That part has nothing to do with me.
That’s it!
Joshua
