I want the Truth.
I don’t want you to hide your real feelings from me.
I don’t want you to protect me from myself.
I want only the Truth.
If it erodes my sense of self– that’s okay, it’s only temporary. Let’s do this.
I don’t want the cutesy version full of disclaimers and reasons why I should be comfortable.
Just lay it on me.
Laquer me up, let it dry, let it permeate my insides.
Let me be uncomfortable.
Let me writhe and scream.
Let me exhaust my self-pity.
Let me find the strength I need. I’ll find it.
You don’t need to find it for me.
You don’t need to save me from the intensity.
How do you know the Truth doesn’t include some viciousness?
How do you know the Truth doesn’t include some over-the-top, excessively dramatized bouts of complaining until we finally arrive at a point that actually makes some sense?
I really, really want the truth.
It’s up to me to decide what I do with it.
I’m not going to ignore the signs life gives me.
Let’s give up on being well-behaved.
Let’s give up on being so polite with each other.
We can wrestle this out. Maybe the best way to a win/win starts with trying to get the win all to yourself.
Maybe what you think is a win is actually a loss. Let’s get there. Find out the hard way if you need to.
How do you know you’ve already learned your lesson?
How do you know I’ve already learned mine?
I’m ready to finally feel remorse for our stupid nonsense.
I’m ready to finally erupt into a storm of all the frustrated confusion I’ve been hiding for eons.
How else would I know it’s there?
I want to move in ways I’ve always been afraid of moving.
Let me down, disappointment. Maybe that’s the very movement I need.
Give me your worst. Just admit that’s what it is. Everything will be fine.
How do you know what real love looks like?
Excluding that which you find ugly only keeps it alive forever. Bring it forward. Share yourself. Get nasty.
We’ve created this space of truth, so we might as well use it.
We’ve created these voices and these bodies, we might as well use them.
We’ve created this connection, we might as well feel it.
We’ve created this reality, we might as well see it through.
Joshua Brandon Pánczér