It’s not that I’m not enough.
But I may have been unconsciously putting my actions and efforts in the wrong direction.
It came from fear and delusion.
So, I manufactured my own evidence that I was not enough.
It has nothing to do with reality.
It caused her to question my trustworthiness.
It doesn’t mean I’m not lovable.
Even though it would be more convenient to my belief system to come to that conclusion.
It’s not that she is incapable of loving me.
The odds of someone deeply tuning in and understanding me as I actually am in this lifetime are miniscule. Everyone is mostly just out for themselves.
Everyone has a responsibility to take care of themselves primarily.
That doesn’t mean we can’t have relationships.
However, if my goal in relationships is to be understood, then I’m sabotaging it already.
If I need to be seen and loved in just the perfect way in order to feel satisfied, I’m already creating an environment where it’s unlikely or impossible.
Because the pain of longing for just the right love is my own to deal with.
Am I free to make decisions without wondering how others will respond?
If I can give up on being understood, loved, appreciated, or seen, it is actually deeply liberating.
And then anything that shows up is just extra.
Joshua
