The skill of not being an abuser

From the narcissistic age of development, we retain some degree of narcissism in ourselves. This is difficult to dissolve. Because of this, we maintain some degree of abusive tendency through which we are mean and incomplete in our ability to honor the experience and sovereignty of other people.

From this comes our demanding, entitled, resentful, envious, critical, boastful, and generally self-sabotaging qualities.

Because women biologically develop more completely than men, as they genuinly have more genetic material, women in general are more humble and have fewer of these qualities than men (not a hard and fast rule but true when other factors such as environment, education, resources are equal).

Men, on the whole, are more narcissistic, more lazy, have a lower pain tolerance, are more in denial, and are more easily hypnotized by shiny objects. These shiny objects can come in many forms.

The will of the human, which is the survival mechanism of the human machine, is not the True Will of the spiritual being. The machine will longs to have a master. The person, the somebody-ness, craves to stay asleep.

The person wants to be enslaved to addictions. These addictions can enslave us to entertainment, substances, relationships, or other people.

To have a master is an avoidance of true responsibility. This human tendency creates a high probability of giving our power away to other human beings as one of our escape mechanisms from our own sovereignty. Whether this is to a relationship partner, a political figure, a celebrity, a guru, a family member, or even a stranger such as a telemarketer. Anyone with enough of an agenda and entitlement to convince us to stay asleep to our True Will.

Of course, the big question becomes “How do I know whether the Will I’m experiencing is True, or not?” and famously “I need someone else to tell me”.

This creates a cycle of dependency. This creates an obsession with seeking. This creates an addiction to suffering. And all of this creates a paralysis. Sleep.

In our sleep, we cannot sense our own purity and divinity and so we have difficulty reading others accurately. Our distorted lens creates an effect of grasping for resources, including attention from others. Getting attention from someone we deem important, especially, is the easiest addiction in the world to rationalize. The sleep this creates is deeply misleading because the dopamine rush accompanying it causes one to feel potentially more alive and seemingly more awake than ever.

And in this state of dopamine addiction, likely, we are not able to See others clearly. We are not able to treat others with respect.

Therefore, learning not to be an abuser is a skill that especially needs to be learned by men. It is a difficult skill to learn. It’s a rare skill to find. Many people are abusers but men especially are more susceptible, all other factors being equal. And of course, the more powerful a man becomes, the more impactful his abuse becomes.

One has to intentionally want to learn the skill of not being an abuser. It doesn’t happen by accident. One has to be willing to see how they are an abuser to want to learn the skill of not being an abuser. It can be scary and upsetting to discover the ways we have been disrespectful of life, outside of our awareness, for likely decades.

Our blind spots run deep into our nervous systems. Our soma contains unconscious and unprocessed emotional repressions that show up in our behavior, perhaps without us knowing their existence. Other people can see and feel it, but we cannot unless we know how and when to look for it.