Part of the reason I write is to find clarity on behalf of people I work with, people who are close to me, and world issues that seem to be stuck in confusion.
This topic of sexual trauma is of course a very delicate topic, and certainly not to be taken lightly.
And the resolution being pointed at in this conversation is simple, but I also am realistic in honoring that the mental leap here is not necessarily going to be easy.
The most effective solutions are always going to be the ones that make our worst nightmares conscious. In my very first workshop offering years ago, I had people jump on a trampoline (embodiment) while describing their worst-case scenarios. This was very powerful because it gives us motor function capacity while describing that which typically incapacitates us.
The most direct and powerful “methods” of “healing” are always giving us an opportunity to face ourselves.
These are in quotes because as I’ve said in the past nothing is actually “happening”, it is simply a virtual/vibrational distance being traveled within the psyche that needs to be bridged.
If we can see that this leveling up is actually only a virtual reality experience, winning the game means we get to finally take off the headset. And guess who decides when you’ve won? Nobody but you. You are the screenwriter, the director, the programmer, and the award giver.
The villain was and always has been an external force – a virtual virus – which has burrowed into us and camouflaged itself so that we mistake it for our own identity. Quite a story premise.
Immersive Theater feels so realistic!
Being raised within a false context, being fed a false premise of reality, it’s no wonder that our confusion has gained such traction in our lives. That’s okay.
If we are both the crew and the audience of life playing through us, this means that finding a resolution to this makes it is absolutely necessary to hold multiple viewpoints at once. We can’t alter the direction of the play unless we occupy that role of the actor while also recognizing our role as the director simultaneously. This is called awareness. Awareness of these multiple points is always the antidote to a painfully stuck point of focus.
Addiction is rampant around the world, and in “spiritual” communities there are very specific types of addictions disguised as “practices”. I am reminded of a kung-fu teacher I had – he said “Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.” As rigid and uncomfortable as this may sound, the truth is that we can’t master anything unless we learn how to do it absolutely properly. Indulging our addictions may feel “good” and so it seems to be moving in the right direction, but then it’s worth noticing how we feel about ourselves when we don’t have that thing.
If we are trained as children to be addicted to certain energies, we likely won’t know of any other possible relationship with reality. We are certainly not “damaged”, but rather fooled into a losing game.
The “masculine man” movement is founded on the sexualization of a man’s inner child. A powerful awakened man is not a symbol of brute strength, he is a symbol of joyful lightness. He does not promote or even consider his own seed or his physical form – he deeply knows that his physical form is a result of his thoughts. A pure relationship with our thoughts is the most masculine orientation in existence. It does not dictate his appearance whatsoever.
The “goddess” movement is very much founded on the sexualization of the woman’s inner child. You will never see a powerful awakened woman needing to decorate her outer appearance in an attempt to match her idea of what a woman should be. This is an advanced form of playing princess. An awakened woman is not much different than an awakened man. Both have certain advantages and processes but they are eventually arriving at roughly the same place. Like men, women are conditioned to match their form to a certain standard.
It is not real.
It takes immense courage to delete our needs because we are convinced that it is ME who has the need. It is not ME.
ME is the awareness who sees the thought which says I have a need.
This is not to say that we should be ascetic or dishonor our needs, we need to COMPLETE the need.
Some needs can truly be met, and some will occur over and over again forever.
If I have a genuine need for new clothing, I can buy the clothing and then the need goes away.
But if I have a need for more and more partners and intimate experiences, this is a never-ending black hole. This is a need trying to resolve itself and like Einstein says “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it”. It can only happen at a higher level of lightness than we have ever existed before.
If we are taking seriously our role of resolving all inner conflicts, our only JOB is to let go of our JOB. Both a man’s false job and a woman’s false job both essential says “I am supposed to look like this ideal image”.
It is not a linear path, the only linear part of the path is that we are systematically deleting the belief in a linear path.
The most truthful way to use every self-realization tool is to resolve the need for the tool. If you need to use a hammer, proper usage resolves the need for the hammer. If we are practicing something over and over and it is not making progress, that is a good indication that our “practice” is perhaps only reinforcing what we are attempting to transform.
It’s important not to twist this into a morality stance. Just because we don’t need something doesn’t mean we never touch it again. We don’t need ice cream sandwiches but sometimes we choose them anyway. We don’t need a trip to Jamaica, but sometimes it’s just what happens. In fact, resolving the need for morality will ideally be a high priority in the path of reclaiming our self-trust.
Much sexualization of the inner child is founded on a rebellion against the moralistic taboo. Remove the taboo and it removes the identity against it.
Learning boundaries is an essential part of the journey. If we are afraid of setting boundaries then we need to do so because that is what we unconsciously crave.
And then if we swing the pendulum too far and identify with that, unlearning the obsession with boundaries is the next step.
Individuation comes before awakening and trying to skip a step only leads to more self-sabotage. It is nearly impossible for people to wade through this labyrinth of cultural toxicity without a proper guide. Especially for those who are committed to taking their journey to completion in a timely manner.
The real work is not circumstantial but through awareness of the characters we are playing. All of this learning can be done without needing to play it out in physical life. If we have to “learn boundaries” over and over and over again, we are not actually learning them – we are feeding a cycle of thinking we need to learn.
The truth comes when we can no longer be abused. The narcissistic self that thinks it can be abused needs to be faced internally or it will repeatedly be faced externally. It’s not an either/or it’s a this/and. For some, this may be extremely uncomfortable or triggering to process, and that is exactly why most people do not face the essential program our personality is founded upon.
The journey is facing our arrogance that we think we know what is really going on and being available to surrender what we think we need. Not by putting ourselves in physical danger of course, but by questioning the things we habitually see as dangerous which are not actually.
Humanity has been so deeply manipulated that we have to have compassion for ourselves and perhaps our inability to know the difference between truth and fiction. Within this paradoxical stance lives our eternal nature.
Image: Album cover of “Rainbow Child” from Lion Babe