The Fear of Being Eradicated
As the energies on the planet get more and more intense, claiming our sanity within this process means landing at a level of purification that humans have never existed at before.
For most people, this is a huge time and energy commitment to sustain this clear vibe. Mostly, it takes an incredible commitment and focus on the Truth.
Let’s be clear – this is not a process of self-improvement. That is a toxic phrase. We are not getting “better”. We are maturing, and this ONLY means getting more real. We are seeing beyond the self-deceit conditioning. And the guilt conditioning. And the temptation to rationalize our pain forever.
And of course, with more maturity comes more integrated gentleness and compassion. This goes hand in hand with evolution – reality is compassionate.
One way people are using to escape from this process is by claiming that further “self-work” means they are trying to “fix” themselves. And now they “have boundaries” against “trying to fix themselves”. This is all completely backward.
As humans, our ability to evolve is our most holy gift.
We do not need boundaries against that which is sacred.
This is only making excuses to validate the fear of change.
Exploring yourself is a goldmine.
We do not need boundaries against permanent relief and beauty.
Not being willing to evolve is simply denying ourselves abundance.
Granted, most people do not know how to evolve on their own. Blind spots are deep. People typically need guidance. And that’s perfectly acceptable. Get the guidance you need – I certainly do.
If we are processing toxic shame and fear over and over again, this is of course a loop. Thinking this processing is getting us somewhere is false. If you know that your attempts to evolve haven’t worked – don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. The path of evolution is not at fault. Seek out someone who will hit you with the truth.
If we grieve an issue, and then beat ourselves up again, and then grieve that, and then beat ourselves up again, and then grieve again – this is not healing – this is a loop. It will literally go on forever until life gets hard enough that we realize we have to change our approach.
A true “healing” process works. It gives us clarity – we get to see the loop we thought was real – we don’t just find a temporary feeling of relief.
We all have some degree of narcissistic wounding, and these aspects will try to hide or shift responsibility. These parts will come up with ANY reason to NOT change.
Even when an issue is presented with great respect and integrity, these parts might say: “You can’t accept who I am!” or “Stop trying to fix me!”. They can’t help but assume that when they are seen and approached, they are being judged. This is because wounding can only approach someone through defensiveness or judgment. They cannot fathom being actually loved and respected, and so upon being confronted with the truth they must manufacture a situation that paints them as the victim.
Of course, it is a delicate balance because it is also the “savior” flavor of narcissistic wounds which are attempting to confront people with truths they have no business getting involved with. Trying to help someone who is not interested in exploring themselves is the same wound from a different angle.
Narcissistic aspects have not investigated their reasons for the choices they’ve made. They simply say “I’ve always done it this way” or “I don’t know any other options”. There is not a hunger for taking greater responsibility. There is a sense of sticking their head in the sand. There is not a devotion to the truth. Relationally, this essentially translates to “their way or the highway”.
Drama is created by the narcissistic aspects. These parts are constantly looking to be either the victim, the savior, or the perpetrator. Their means of accomplishing these roles is through any combination of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We are the spirit guides for those aspects and so we must see through these fixations.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn are unmistakable behaviors and yet they can throw all kinds of distractions to try and hide these unsustainable ways of being.
Owning our own narcissistic aspects and habits can at first be very scary and even highly triggering, but becoming comfortable with this exploration is the definition of freedom.
This requires some degree of physiologically “swimming upstream”. More often than not, it means taking a deep breath when we would normally hold it. When breathing into a trauma loop, it can feel like we have swallowed a wet blanket. It can feel dangerous. We need to do it anyway (perhaps gently). If we want to be free of this loop, we need to commit to breaking the pattern.
These immature aspects are often playing the game of hierarchy, looking for who is right and who is wrong. Trying NOT to appear as the parasite so that other people will be highlighted in that role. In doing so, whether it’s said out loud or not, the thoughts in their head are often blaming and judging constantly (including themselves). The easiest way to see if you are dealing with a narcissistic aspect (in yourself or someone else) is there is no willingness to self-reflect or take feedback.
The narcissistic aspects want our sympathy. They want to be coddled when something unexpected pops up. Instead of questioning their experience or being willing to “be with“ their pain, they insist on maintaining a sense of separation and being ‘alone’ in their experience in order to maintain a ‘problem’. The biggest ‘problem’ is usually in discussing this dynamic.
They do not want failures confronted, and they may avoid confrontation of any kind because the possibility of making a mistake feels like the worst possible thing that could ever happen. They have indeed been punished unfairly as children, and so this identity rests on an assumption that this is the motive of everyone in their world.
In contrast, taking responsibility means dissolving ‘problems’ to completion. Being hungry to confront inner conflict. Seeing conflict as an opportunity. Diving headfirst into every single challenge and understanding that this expansion of ourselves is literally the purpose of life. Responsibility is freedom while running from it is only instant gratification which will have its consequences.
Our narcissistic aspects see true freedom as slavery and, ironically, sees its own slavery as freedom. It is absolutely backward. It is a game of balancing tensions, like hunger games trying to outrun death. This game is the essence of human insanity and it is designed to be lost.
We can’t outrun immaturity
And try as we might, we can’t resist the loving wisdom of our future selves.